by Anchal Jain
Body Responds
The body remembers, it keeps the score.
Body responds to what it knows.
I hear a knock, the room is dark.
I lay on my back, my hands stretched, as if tied to my back.
Tightly crossed Legs are now slightly open.
I feel the chill, my body shivers.
I Freeze. I can't breathe. I feel numb.
I forgot his name, not his face.
I remember the time, can't recollect the date.
I don't know the hotel room, just the place.
It's been 12 years, I still remember the shame.
The body remembers, it keeps the score.
Body responds to what it knows.
I can't see, my eyes are wide open.
My body squeezes, l have no pressure on me.
I start to sweat, I feel the heat.
My pelvis hurts, It's dry, it's burning.
I hear white noise but still have no sense of smell.
I am unfreezing, I can't breathe, I am not numb.
I know his name, I remember his face.
I remember the time, I will recollect the date.
I know the place, I remember the hotel, not the room.
It's been 13 years, I have some memories, I carry no shame.
The body remembers, it keeps the score.
Body responds to what it knows.
Lying in the Crib
I was not even 5 weeks in my mother's womb when I heard how I was not welcomed.
There was no one to hold me, pick me up, and give me a loving smile.
From my crib, I looked to my left, looked to my right,
Everyone was raised high in the air, their parents holding them gently and tight.
The view in my sight was so happy, I was filled with joy.
My heroes sent me out to rob the gangsters.
I had to please them to earn the bread for me plus 4.
I stayed in control, so I couldn’t get raped.
I manipulated the situation, so I could feel safe.
How do I ever heal from that?
Do I forgive or forget?
Are they also not victims of society like me?
How do I build trust and with whom?
When staying alone for the rest of my life feels so good.
I know these wounds will heal but will the pain ever go away?
It's 3 am. I am lying in my crib on the darkest night,
Yet I have a shadow from the past that never seems to leave.
In the darkness of the room, I see my shadow multiple.
Faces appear even when there is no light.
They tell me their names, Cathy, Sherri, and Sundar.
They lift me up gently, out of the crib.
I hold their finger with a strong grip.
They teach me how to take my first step,
With their help, I take my first baby steps.